Two work random thoughts

[12ozLongneck]

1. I hate people who send every email with the little red "This is important!" exclamation point on it.

2. F Secret Santa. I don't want anyone here to know enough about my life to know what to buy me and I don't want to know enough about anyone's life to know what to buy them. F off, people.

['Hornbybirth]

12oz = Grinch

[Markaholic]

12oz = Grinch

Obvious statement of the year award nominee!

[12ozLongneck]

Get a load of this... There's this fat heifer at work who is angry because our company's insurance won't pay for her thumb stomach surgery. Skip ahead to yesterday when everyone participating in Secret Santa is instructed to make a list of 3 items that are $10 or less that they want. What's on Fatass's list? A gift card to McDonald's, Whataburger or Chick Fil A.

[Music City Mafia]

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

['Hornbybirth]

Get a load of this... There's this fat heifer at work who is angry because our company's insurance won't pay for her thumb stomach surgery. Skip ahead to yesterday when everyone participating in Secret Santa is instructed to make a list of 3 items that are $10 or less that they want. What's on Fatass's list? A gift card to McDonald's, Whataburger or Chick Fil A.

OK Kevin, I've got to agree with you. That is fucking stupid! I mean I have some extra lb's, but you don't see me complaining about not getting a surgery or somesuch.

[Silverado]

Buy a couple heads of lettuce.

[12ozLongneck]

Get a load of this... There's this fat heifer at work who is angry because our company's insurance won't pay for her thumb stomach surgery. Skip ahead to yesterday when everyone participating in Secret Santa is instructed to make a list of 3 items that are $10 or less that they want. What's on Fatass's list? A gift card to McDonald's, Whataburger or Chick Fil A.

OK Kevin, I've got to agree with you. That is fucking stupid! I mean I have some extra lb's, but you don't see me complaining about not getting a surgery or somesuch.

Exactly. I'm not exactly rocking a set of six pack abs, but I know who is to blame for that and it's not my insurance company.

[UTwiz]

BCS?

[Simon Honeybone]

Exactly. I'm not exactly rocking a set of six pack abs, but I know who is to blame for that and it's not my insurance company.

It's called an ab though from time to time I call it a keg too.

[Reinheitsgebot]

would it not be better for the insurance to pay for the procedure?

would this not reduce the costs paid out by the insurance company over time, for other illness related to being overweight?

[Music City Mafia]

Until she regains it all from cashing in all the fast food gift cards she hits people up for.

[12ozLongneck]

would it not be better for the insurance to pay for the procedure?

would this not reduce the costs paid out by the insurance company over time, for other illness related to being overweight?

It would be even cheaper if she stopped eating fast food at least twice a day and got some exercise.

[Music City Mafia]

Another random work thought that is season-appropriate...

Singing "Let It Snow, Let It Snow..." at home with family is cool. Singing it at work in the bathroom while trying to drop a deuce, not so much. STFU and show who #2 works for already.

[12ozLongneck]

At lunch time, I entered the break room to find 4 women engaged in a very earnest debate over whether or not penguins are birds and, if they are birds, whether or not they lay eggs. I further confused the issue by bringing up the biological anomaly that is the platypus and then went and ate lunch in my car.

[Drew Corleone]

Some day I want to go to work with Kevin and be a silent observer.

[12ozLongneck]

It's actually nowhere near as bad as I make it sound. I'm in a position now where most of my day is spent working with people from outside of my department that I really like for the most part.

[12ozLongneck]

The following proclamation issued forth from the aforementioned fat heifer today:

Prunes are my favorite snack. Sometimes I open a bag up and wind up eating almost the whole bag. Of course, I pay for it for a couple of days after that.

Ever since I heard this, I have been intermittently haunted by visions of her perched on an American Standard and testing the limits of modern plumbing by producing the kind of bowel movement that one might imagine would ultimately result from eating an entire bag of prunes. Fuck my life.

['Hornbybirth]

[MBK271]

The following proclamation issued forth from the aforementioned fat heifer today:

Prunes are my favorite snack. Sometimes I open a bag up and wind up eating almost the whole bag. Of course, I pay for it for a couple of days after that.

Ever since I heard this, I have been intermittently haunted by visions of her perched on an American Standard and testing the limits of modern plumbing by producing the kind of bowel movement that one might imagine would ultimately result from eating an entire bag of prunes. Fuck my life.

Funniest thing that I've read in a while.

[Reinheitsgebot]

PICTURES?

[12ozLongneck]

More unfortunate bathroom-related stuff that has occurred in the last two days:

1. I am taking a leak. We have three urinals. I am at the one on the far right closest to the wall. Our CFO rounds the corner, almost walks up my back, says "Whoa! You're in my spot. I almost peed on your leg" and then pats me on the shoulder. Motherfucker, do not touch me when I have my business in my hand. No. No. No. No. Never. Never. Never. Never. No. No. No.

2. I need to perform the foulest of excretions. I go to the stall farthest from the door. I enter to find a blood-covered turd about the size of a softball sitting in the toilet.

I'm wearing Depends to work from here on out.

[ChuckNorrisHorn]

i need a pic of that turd...i mean why else do we have cell phone cameras

[12ozLongneck]

1. So we have this system in place where I work where people who are in some kind of jam can put in a request at the regional office and request donations of annual leave time from everybody else. Without fail, almost on a weekly basis we'll get one of these that reads something like "Sherry McUterus is requesting annual leave donations. She is expecting a child and has two small children at home. A loss of income will cause financial hardship." I am tired of them. These filthy slags need to leave me the hell alone and rack up some vacation time before the next time they get drunk and spread their legs.

2. I had a conversation with a coworker that involved the word "payee." Coworker pulled a dictionary off of their shelf and looked up "payee." Your tax dollars at work!

[Bucharest]

Sherry McUterus