Two work random thoughts

For people who are not cool enough to be HornMafia, so they try to act like him instead.

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Mon Nov 19, 2012 7:13 pm

So the old scary dude that works in the office next door locked himself out of his office and his laptop in his office, which resulted in him sitting in my office talking to me for 30 minutes while we waited for maintenance and me losing my will to live on Monday morning instead of some point on Wednesday like usual. He was telling me about his weekend and out of nowhere veers off and mentions that he lays the wood to his wife after church every week. Now I know way more than I want to know about the privates of both of the coworkers who are holed up (no pun intended) with me out at this contractor. Robbi, I need you to make the jump over to the fed side of things and regulate some shit.
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Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Mon Nov 19, 2012 9:38 pm

No kidding! What is going on over there?!?
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby ChuckNorrisHorn on Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:46 am

Kevin just attracts uncomfortable conversations...

he should be a SNL character..."uncomfortable work sex talk-guy"

Hmmm...can we pitch this idea to SNL? They kinda are weak on some skits...

Anybody know someone related to a cast member/writer?
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:22 am

I'm just going to take the Charles Haley approach to coworker relations and start whipping it out and stroking it when people start pulling this shit.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:40 am

The stupid broad who got a promotion and a fancy title to determine whether everything that comes out of our office is compliant with Generally Accepted Governmental Auditing Standards before our agency Quality Directorate gets ahold of it refuses to give me an opinion in writing regarding whether or not something I asked her about is compliant with GAGAS and of course I'm the bad guy when I ask exactly why she gets paid the big bucks. Government efficiency at its finest.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:27 pm

So for whatever reason, I have been added to the global email list for the Austin office of the contractor at which I am stationed. Normally it is annoying and mundane crap, but sometimes we get unintentionally hilarious stuff like this from the tribe of humorless eco-scolds known as "The Green Team":

Have a Green Valentine's Day!!

We all know that we should be showing our love to the special people in our lives on a regular, ongoing basis. It can also be fun to have an excuse to
do something extra special.

Unfortunately, mainstream chocolates and flowers are not great on several levels.

. Most flowers are grown with LOTS of chemicals and express airmailed from all over the planet, which leaves quite an ecological footprint.

. And chocolate can be less than sweet if it comes from child labor,forced labor, or unfair trade practices. In general, look for Fair Trade-labeled chocolate, in addition to Certified Organic.

THE SOLUTION.BUY LOCAL!!


So fellas, once you've barked like a trained seal for your piece of ass on Valentine's Day and you're deploying your salty payload into your Special Valentine's Day Person don't forget to think a friendly thought and give a mental bro fist to the 8 year old in some far off country that assembled the box of Godiva chocolates made it possible!
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby MBK271 on Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:42 pm

:D Wow.
why don't you run back to the sandbox where the rest of the kids are playing so the adults can have a discussion...it's over there....you see Howie, he's over there with PMS knocking over other kids sandcastles...looks like fun.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Jul 16, 2013 1:48 pm

Leaky Vagina Girl's boyfriend broke up with her. She spent an hour crying in my office. I need another week off.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:59 pm

Haha. :)
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Thu Aug 29, 2013 7:14 am

Leaky Vag Girl just asked me where the tailgate is. I told her that the university took over our parking lot to throw a tailgate for wealthy donors.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Thu Aug 29, 2013 8:52 am

Nice.

But wouldn't we all love to meet LVG.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Thu Aug 29, 2013 9:52 am

I think you need to have this girl come to the tailgate. Would love to put a face to the [s]leaky vag[/s] Nickname.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:22 am

Yeah you never really answered the question of if she was hot. I think we need you to do some creepy iPhone picture snapping.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:37 am

She is a short chubby brunette with stubby little legs who thinks she is hot shit. She is the kind of girl you might bang if you were drunk and looking for a place to drain your balls, but you wouldn't tell your friends about it.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:53 am

Hahahaha. Love the brutal honesty.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Makaveli on Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:37 pm

More Wet humor with dry delivery.

You should do stand up.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby TX Skins on Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:52 am

No he should get the cock out of his mouth...fucking Kevin
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Oct 09, 2013 8:57 am

Pretty much everything about finding a new job is a beating, but phone screenings/interviews with HR people are the worst part. I just spent 40 minutes talking to some HR person on the phone about auditing, statistical sampling, Federal Acquisition Regulations, Cost Accounting Standards and GAAP. I am pretty sure I could write everything that this person knows about any of that stuff on my cock with a mop and anything we discussed will undoubtedly be covered in an interview with the hiring manager. Total waste of time.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:16 pm

LVG just regaled me with tales of her new online dating beau who is absolutely fantastic and treats her like a queen and REALLY wants to settle down and is here on a work visa and needs a green card in about a year. I hear wedding bells!
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:52 pm

Ha!
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Tue Nov 05, 2013 3:51 pm

Hahahaha! Did she tell him about her "problem"
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Nov 05, 2013 4:26 pm

We have an understanding that discussion of anything that goes into or comes out of her body is now off limits.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:26 pm

The facilities people in this building are working in a utility closet in my office, so I have taken up residence in LVG's office for the day. I have used over half a bottle of hand sanitizer and am still worried that every woman I walk by is going to wind up pregnant by Aspiring Green Card Recipient.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby eochs on Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:35 pm

I just listened to the first act of Les Miserables playing full blast from the stall next to me while I dropped the kids off at the pool... Why do people think it is okay to watch video/play music without headphones while pooping? Or be on a phone call? How am I supposed to concentrate on Candy Crush for 30 minutes in the bathroom with that going on
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:44 pm

I thought you were a fan of Les Mis.
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