Two work random thoughts

For people who are not cool enough to be HornMafia, so they try to act like him instead.

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Mon Sep 08, 2014 12:13 pm

I hear ya!
Having the opposite viewpoint from you ensures my moral supremecy.

-UTWiz
User avatar
LMQueen
Goomah
Goomah
 
Posts: 7466
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 8:06 pm
Location: Austin/Dallas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Mon Sep 22, 2014 9:56 am

I'm back out at the contractor where Herpes Guy and the Semen Volcano are. This just happened:

Herpes Guy: I'm tired. Been here punching cows since 630.

Me: Weird. You weren't here when I got here at 715.

HG: Oh uh well I had to go take my daughter to school.

Me: That's weird. I saw you park and come in with your laptop bag through the window like an hour and a half ago.

HG: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DISAGREEABLE ABOUT EVERYTHING?
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Mon Sep 22, 2014 11:00 am

:)
Having the opposite viewpoint from you ensures my moral supremecy.

-UTWiz
User avatar
LMQueen
Goomah
Goomah
 
Posts: 7466
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 8:06 pm
Location: Austin/Dallas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:07 pm

So I walk into the bathroom and Herpes Guy is in there. He is standing at one of the two urinals. That is normal. What is not normal is the fact that his pants are around his ankles and his boxers are up so I guess he whipped it out of the fly or whatever. Who the fuck does that and why would they???? When he finished taking care of business, he returned his herpes-ridden member to his boxers, pulled up his pants and left without even looking at the sinks, let alone washing his hands. The bathroom door swings inwards, so I stood there for 3 minutes until someone else entered the restroom because I did not want to touch the door.

In other news, rumor has it that the Austin branch manager is asking questions about how Herpes Guy basically gets away with doing nothing and is talking about making him work out of the office downtown instead of out at this contractor, which is no bueno because that is where I will be once I'm done with the assignment I am working on.
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Wed Oct 29, 2014 9:57 pm

Ha!
"God has a plan for me and this team. It's obvious I don't need to win [the Heisman] until next year.' Colt f'n McCoy
User avatar
Drew Corleone
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 13408
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 7:52 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Fri Nov 14, 2014 3:37 pm

So some of you met my coworker Jenna and her husband at a Rangers game a few years ago. Here is an IM conversation between her and I that shows how seriously she takes keeping her job:

Her: Guess what! I found out that our new place is built on a black cemetery.
Me: Oh no. Have you seen Poltergeist? Did they move the bodies?
Her: idk. I should maybe leave a Popeye's 10 piece on our doorstep as an offering to the angry spirits, but some fat black kid would probably steal it.
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Fri Nov 14, 2014 7:03 pm

:shock: :badgrin:
"I like cussing, getting drunk, and fooling around with women" Danny Balis
txlonghorn47
LM/FoLM Punt, Pass & Kick Champion
 
Posts: 11151
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2003 9:17 am
Location: Fort Worth

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby HornMafia on Sat Nov 15, 2014 12:08 am

Ragonk.
“I am God’s vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.” -- Kanye West
User avatar
HornMafia
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 23244
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 6:04 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Nov 18, 2014 3:22 pm

LVG accidentally charged her most recent gyno visit to her government credit card. I guess that is public property now. Get you some, U2Horn!
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Tue Nov 18, 2014 7:13 pm

Oh my.
Having the opposite viewpoint from you ensures my moral supremecy.

-UTWiz
User avatar
LMQueen
Goomah
Goomah
 
Posts: 7466
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 8:06 pm
Location: Austin/Dallas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:03 pm

My office shares a heating/AC zone with Herpes Guy's office. The thermostat is next door in his office. It is 40 degrees outside. Herpes Guy turned the AC on because the space heater he had running in his office made it too hot. I hope that "Get choked the fuck out by the guy in the next office" is item number one on his advent calendar because that is what is about to happen.
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Mon Dec 01, 2014 5:15 pm

Count the red flags...
Having the opposite viewpoint from you ensures my moral supremecy.

-UTWiz
User avatar
LMQueen
Goomah
Goomah
 
Posts: 7466
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 8:06 pm
Location: Austin/Dallas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby dahorns on Tue Dec 02, 2014 10:08 am

when he isn't in his office, unplug the heater and for good measure remove the thermostat from the wall
and then pull a DC/Dahorns and fart on your way out... just sayin'
User avatar
dahorns
All Conference
All Conference
 
Posts: 1648
Joined: Thu Feb 06, 2003 5:22 pm
Location: Waterloo, Tejas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Feb 10, 2015 6:49 pm

When are organizations going to figure out that nothing of value has ever been accomplished by getting 15 people together in a room to talk about something?
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:35 pm

Some dumb cunt on a conference call I am on just upbraided me for use of the phrase "More than one way to skin a cat" because it promotes animal cruelty and that is wrong.
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:48 pm

Should have told her, "that's okay, I used to play baseball at Baylor."
"God has a plan for me and this team. It's obvious I don't need to win [the Heisman] until next year.' Colt f'n McCoy
User avatar
Drew Corleone
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 13408
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 7:52 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:37 pm

LVG: What is the difference between a defined benefit pension and a defined contribution pension?

12oz: Uhhh... That's sophomore level accounting stuff. Also, aren't you studying for the financial accounting and reporting part of the CPA? There is 100 percent chance you will need to know that.

LVG: Yeah, but I've been really busy since I stopped slacking and started working all my hours. I don't have time to study.

12oz: *facepalm*
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Fri Apr 10, 2015 6:49 am

Yowza.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Having the opposite viewpoint from you ensures my moral supremecy.

-UTWiz
User avatar
LMQueen
Goomah
Goomah
 
Posts: 7466
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 8:06 pm
Location: Austin/Dallas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Apr 15, 2015 10:29 am

Life imitates Office Space:

Our quality directorate selected my most recently completed assignment for review and gave a me a "Not Adequate" score on the "Contractor Communications" section. Reason: I didn't use the my employer's 50th Anniversary letterhead on the engagement memo I sent to the contractor. Somebody is going to get a very strongly worded email.
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed May 06, 2015 12:31 pm

One of my peers on the Data Mining/Risk Analysis Strategic Action Team just confided in me that she has diagnosed herself as "being on the autism spectrum." What the fuck?
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:26 pm

So I have a colleague who works in another office whose second husband supposedly cannot have a job because he has a knee injury that requires surgeries every now and then. In spite of this horrible injury that keeps him from seeking gainful employment, he manages to ski/snowboard during the winter. He stays home and takes care of the two year old they had because the kids from her previous marriage are weird and messed up and she needed a backup kid (15 year old daughter got busted for sending nude pics to some dude in his 40s and her 16 year old son got expelled for bringing a weapon to school and abuses their dog). Pretty much every payday I get an "OMG TGIF and PAYDAY!!! Thank God cause we are out of cash!" missive from her over our office instant messenger. In spite of apparently living paycheck to paycheck, they decided not to put a huge portion of the equity they got out of the house they just sold so they could "spruce their new house up a bit."

What did they spend this equity money on? The following Facebook status update from the my coworker's husband was sent to me by one of her coworkers. This is probably best read with "Ants Marching" playing in the background because it might be one of the douchiest things ever written.

The rumors are true. The dubbed " Craziest Motorbike in the World" is now mine. With the added bonus of it being a Rocket X limited numbered production edition! It is blacked out everywhere! Additionally, it is the largest production motorcycle engine on the planet at 2.3 liters and boasts 163 lb·ft (221 N·m) torque and 146 hp at the rear wheel. If a shadow of shadow passes you, it's me because with less than 200 in the U.S. and the only one in Colorado it has to be. No matter what you drive I am now faster.

Of course,I could go on and on about how I have the best wife in the world, but I will take another approach. She by no means likes this motorcycle whatsoever.

However, she does know how much it means to me, and that is why we purchased it. I am a thrill seeker. I cannot explain it, I just am. My wife knows and understands this part of me, and how not addressing it leaves me with some nasty demons that change who I am. She knows I have been riding since I was 6. I have owned countless motorcycles, was a regional rep. for Harley, worked on and managed motorcycle dealerships, and my riding ability is beyond the scope of most people's understanding.

But none of that matters to her, or to me really. The only thing that really matters is that I will ride with two words forever present in my mind: Love - Family.

I have heard countless stories from nearly everyone about deaths and accidents. Please don't post those here. I made a promise and we made a responsible decision to purchase my dream ride of a lifetime. No one understands me like my wife, so please be happy or at least refrain from bombarding her with negative thoughts. Her love knows me inside and out. I can't think of a more loving selfless act than to let me go fast every once in a while.

I Love You Baby!
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby HornMafia on Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:52 pm

This will end badly.
“I am God’s vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.” -- Kanye West
User avatar
HornMafia
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 23244
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 6:04 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby U2-Horn on Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:19 pm

I wonder how big the life insurance policy the wife took out on the husband is for?
"There's a freedom you begin to feel the closer you get to Austin, Texas."
--Willie
User avatar
U2-Horn
All American
All American
 
Posts: 7011
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2003 12:57 pm
Location: Awesometown

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:55 pm

U2-Horn wrote:I wonder how big the life insurance policy the wife took out on the husband is for?


Doesn't matter. His riding ability is beyond the scope of most people's understanding.
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8415
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby UTwiz on Tue Jun 30, 2015 7:48 pm

12ozLongneck wrote:
U2-Horn wrote:I wonder how big the life insurance policy the wife took out on the husband is for?


Doesn't matter. His riding ability is beyond the scope of most people's understanding.


Rarely do words come together so magically to create such greatness. They did there. Maybe enough to deserve the bike.
"Lord protect me from my friends. I can take care of my enemies." - Brandon Collins' forearm tatoo
User avatar
UTwiz
#1 Dirk Fan!
 
Posts: 16202
Joined: Sun Feb 23, 2003 2:36 pm
Location: Dan Marino?

PreviousNext

Return to Random Thoughts

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron