Two work random thoughts

For people who are not cool enough to be HornMafia, so they try to act like him instead.

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Thu Mar 06, 2014 11:07 pm

Yeah. I am not very encouraged by the the internet research that I did this evening. What the fuck is there to do when I am stuck there over the weekends?
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8363
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby UTwiz on Fri Mar 07, 2014 5:49 am

There's a casino close. The University of Iowa games. Zach Johnson's (literally, it's his) country club is nice. Other than that, you're playing Russian roulette.
"Lord protect me from my friends. I can take care of my enemies." - Brandon Collins' forearm tatoo
User avatar
UTwiz
#1 Dirk Fan!
 
Posts: 16200
Joined: Sun Feb 23, 2003 2:36 pm
Location: Dan Marino?

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Fri Mar 07, 2014 8:10 am

Looks like it about 4 hours from both Omaha and Chicago. I'd probably make the trek to the latter every weekend until I got sick of the drive (which doesn't look much worse than Austin to Dallas). And when the CWS rolls around, if you're still there, a Saturday in Omaha is a damn nice time.
"God has a plan for me and this team. It's obvious I don't need to win [the Heisman] until next year.' Colt f'n McCoy
User avatar
Drew Corleone
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 13376
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 7:52 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:08 pm

So it's been an annoying week at the office for 12ozLongneck, but I finally managed to get this shitty project that I've been working on out the door today. As I'm packing up my stuff to leave, in walks our old friend LVG, who is in the office for the first time in like a month. I'm pretty ready to get the fuck out of Dodge, but LVG's eyes are all puffy and it's pretty apparent that something is wrong. Her mom has been having some health problems, so I think something bad has happened to her mom and not even my cold charcoal briquette of a heart will allow me to walk out on her.

Me: "What's wrong? What's going on?"

LVG: "STUPID NAME GUY (hereafter referred to as "SNG") AND I ARE DONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: "Uhhh... Y'all broke up last year."

LVG: "Well we've been uhhh... sometimes seeing each other sort of."

So SNG managed to get out of all of the annoying relationship stuff with LVG but retain his boning privileges. Good for him I guess.

At this point, the waterworks open up and here's what I was able to gather from her tearful story:

LVG went to Houston to visit her cousin this past weekend. They're out with some of her cousin's friends and they were hanging out and talking about their leaky snatches or whatever and SNG comes up. One of her cousin's friend is all "Wait... A friend of mine is dating a guy named [stupid douchey name spelled in a ridiculous way] and he's starting a [douchey business]." Fast forward to today, when LVG receives a call from a stranger who turns out to be her cousin's friend's friend. After establishing that they are talking about the same person, they compare timelines regarding SNG . It turns out that the entire 2 years that LVG was involved with SNG, he was hosing this other girl too. My first response was to be amazed at how SNG managed to be involved with a clingy hosebeast that required as much attention as LVG and flood this other broad's cave on a frequent basis without getting found out. My second response was to shut my laptop, toss it into a drawer and say "Well that sucks. Anyways, time for me to go."

U2 - You want to help 'ol LVG overcome her heartbreak? PM me!
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8363
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby U2-Horn on Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:50 pm

I'll pass :-#
"There's a freedom you begin to feel the closer you get to Austin, Texas."
--Willie
User avatar
U2-Horn
All American
All American
 
Posts: 6994
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2003 12:57 pm
Location: Awesometown

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Wed Mar 12, 2014 8:32 pm

Hahahahaha. God I love Kevin office stories.
"I like cussing, getting drunk, and fooling around with women" Danny Balis
txlonghorn47
LM/FoLM Punt, Pass & Kick Champion
 
Posts: 11142
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2003 9:17 am
Location: Fort Worth

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Wed Mar 12, 2014 8:32 pm

And we still need a pic of this ol broad.
"I like cussing, getting drunk, and fooling around with women" Danny Balis
txlonghorn47
LM/FoLM Punt, Pass & Kick Champion
 
Posts: 11142
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2003 9:17 am
Location: Fort Worth

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby MBK271 on Wed Mar 12, 2014 10:21 pm

I'm thinking that we need to hook ol' Barrel Roll Jackson up with LVG.

Match made in Heaven?
why don't you run back to the sandbox where the rest of the kids are playing so the adults can have a discussion...it's over there....you see Howie, he's over there with PMS knocking over other kids sandcastles...looks like fun.
User avatar
MBK271
All American
All American
 
Posts: 7441
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 12:43 pm

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:44 am

HELLLLLLL NAAAAAAH!
"I like cussing, getting drunk, and fooling around with women" Danny Balis
txlonghorn47
LM/FoLM Punt, Pass & Kick Champion
 
Posts: 11142
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2003 9:17 am
Location: Fort Worth

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:47 am

Better double bag it.
"God has a plan for me and this team. It's obvious I don't need to win [the Heisman] until next year.' Colt f'n McCoy
User avatar
Drew Corleone
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 13376
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 7:52 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby HornMafia on Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:54 am

Munch punch it.
“I am God’s vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.” -- Kanye West
User avatar
HornMafia
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 23207
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 6:04 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:47 am

The munch punch is saved only for when trying to put on a show.
"I like cussing, getting drunk, and fooling around with women" Danny Balis
txlonghorn47
LM/FoLM Punt, Pass & Kick Champion
 
Posts: 11142
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2003 9:17 am
Location: Fort Worth

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:42 am

I feel dirty just reading this thread. :)
Having the opposite viewpoint from you ensures my moral supremecy.

-UTWiz
User avatar
LMQueen
Goomah
Goomah
 
Posts: 7456
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 8:06 pm
Location: Austin/Dallas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:27 pm

I am up here sharing an office with some auditor that is in town from Milwaukee. Neither of us are here of our own volition and are extremely cranky. I am sitting at a rickety table and the other dude is at the desk in our office since he got here earlier than I did on Monday. Mid-afternoon, in walks our Cedar Rapids Boss and his elementary school aged daughter who is not in school for some reason that was never explained to us. "Hey, guys... Do you mind if Kenzie draws on y'all's dry erase board for awhile?" Us: "Sure. Whatever." Boss: "OK, Kenzie. Stay in here with Mr. Dave and Mr. Kevin."

At this point, I should probably mention that Kenzie has down syndrome.

So away we go. Kenzie posts up at the dry erase board and begins doodling and Mr. Dave and I return to conducting quality audits that protect the interests of the American taxpayer, insure that the warfighter has what they need to accomplish their mission and allow the contractor to earn a reasonable profit. Everything is cool until the time that Kenzie audibly farted. And then farted again. And then farted thrice. After the third trouser snort, Mr. Dave slams his laptop shut, says "Listen, kid.... You can't stay in here if you're gonna do that" and bails out. I follow quickly after him because it's probably not good for my career if my boss here walks by and sees me sitting there suppressing laughter. Kenzie is too engrossed in her drawing to notice any of this. We wind up a few doors down in an office with some other traveling auditors and Dave sums up the situation with "Look, I don't care how fucking retarded this kid is. I'm not sitting there sniffing her ass all day."

Also, I think the building we are in has asbestos in it.

At this point, I would let Herpes Guy rub his wiener in my eyes while I bong splooge out of LVG's twat if it would get me out of the Vortex of Depression that is Iowa.
Last edited by 12ozLongneck on Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8363
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby HornMafia on Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:38 pm

Haha
“I am God’s vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.” -- Kanye West
User avatar
HornMafia
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 23207
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 6:04 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Mr. Peabody on Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:43 pm

Good story. =D> =D> =D>
Image
User avatar
Mr. Peabody
All American
All American
 
Posts: 9541
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 10:09 pm
Location: 18th & San Jacinto Blvd.

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:29 pm

I want camera crews to follow Kevin around at work.
"God has a plan for me and this team. It's obvious I don't need to win [the Heisman] until next year.' Colt f'n McCoy
User avatar
Drew Corleone
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 13376
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 7:52 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:19 pm

I'm out drinking with Mr. Dave. He makes me look like rainbows and sunshine. Some guy in a Cubs hat randomly started shit talking me when he found out I was a Mavs fan. Mr. Dave steps in, informs this guy that I am also a Rangers fan and have seen my team go to more World Serieses in the last 5 years than any Cubs fan has in living memory and calls him a "worthless townie faggot." I am putting our chances of getting in a bar fight at around 80 percent, which is OK because Mr. Dave "has got this."
Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
User avatar
12ozLongneck
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8363
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2003 7:00 pm
Location: Smoke with cigarette

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby txlonghorn47 on Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:28 pm

I like Mr. Dave so far.
"I like cussing, getting drunk, and fooling around with women" Danny Balis
txlonghorn47
LM/FoLM Punt, Pass & Kick Champion
 
Posts: 11142
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2003 9:17 am
Location: Fort Worth

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Wed Apr 30, 2014 8:22 pm

Mr. Dave sounds like Mr. Kevin's soulmate. :)
Having the opposite viewpoint from you ensures my moral supremecy.

-UTWiz
User avatar
LMQueen
Goomah
Goomah
 
Posts: 7456
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 8:06 pm
Location: Austin/Dallas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Wed Apr 30, 2014 11:49 pm

txlonghorn47 wrote:I like Mr. Dave so far.


Me, too. Fuck the Cubs.
"God has a plan for me and this team. It's obvious I don't need to win [the Heisman] until next year.' Colt f'n McCoy
User avatar
Drew Corleone
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 13376
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 7:52 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby dahorns on Thu May 01, 2014 10:45 am

holy.crap.
thanks, Mr. Kevin.
that's all I got.
User avatar
dahorns
All Conference
All Conference
 
Posts: 1648
Joined: Thu Feb 06, 2003 5:22 pm
Location: Waterloo, Tejas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Music City Mafia on Thu May 01, 2014 11:22 am

:lol: I greatly enjoy and appreciate getting to read 12oz RTs. That said, everytime I read one I can't help but think of that scene in Bad Santa where Marcus says "you need therapy... many, many years of therapy."
Kiss my Converse!
Image
User avatar
Music City Mafia
All American
All American
 
Posts: 8311
Joined: Thu May 29, 2003 11:45 am
Location: Nashville, Tenn.

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby LMQueen on Thu May 01, 2014 12:23 pm

Also, tell Mr. Dave he should not use the "r" word in front of co-workers, it is considered highly offensive.
That statement in my office would have certainly gotten him terminated.
Having the opposite viewpoint from you ensures my moral supremecy.

-UTWiz
User avatar
LMQueen
Goomah
Goomah
 
Posts: 7456
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 8:06 pm
Location: Austin/Dallas

Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Thu May 01, 2014 1:42 pm

LMQueen wrote:Also, tell Mr. Dave he should not use the "r" word in front of co-workers, it is considered highly offensive.
That statement in my office would have certainly gotten him terminated.


Seriously. It's 2014. Stop saying "retarded," ESPECIALLY to refer to a handicapped person. If nowhere else, then at least in a professional setting.
"God has a plan for me and this team. It's obvious I don't need to win [the Heisman] until next year.' Colt f'n McCoy
User avatar
Drew Corleone
Capo di tutti capi
 
Posts: 13376
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 7:52 pm
Location: 18th and San Jacinto

PreviousNext

Return to Random Thoughts

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests