And that's when the fight started...

A hit-or-miss hodgepode of hyperbolicism...

And that's when the fight started...

Postby oneputtlarry on Sun Oct 04, 2009 9:48 am

Some old, some new....

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And that's when the fight started....
...........................................
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started.....
.........................................
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
............................................
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back
into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up
to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The
weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that?'
And that's when the fight started.....
........................................
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.The
woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy Crap..That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to
his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up
to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And that's when the fight started...
............................................
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face
cream..
And that's when the fight started....
.........................................

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's #### near perfect.'
And that's when the fight started....
..........................................
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
.........................................
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And that's when the fight started....
............................................................................
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my SIN
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my
age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And that's when the fight started...
.........
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started....
......................................
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started....
............
Officer, this is how the fight started...
I rear-ended the car in front of me. I admit that. It was my fault.
So, we both pull over to the side of the road, and slowly the driver of the car I hit gets out of his car. . . and you know how you just get so stressed...and life...sometimes, life seems like...um, suddenly funny?
Well, the driver of the car I hit is a DWARF! He gets out of his car and I get out of my car.
He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me. Right up close at me he looks up in my face and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
And I don't know what possessed me, officer, but I look down at him and I said, "Well, if you're not Happy -- which one are you?"
.....and that's when the fight started.
"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist." http://www.theputtingedge.com
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